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Newsletter Archive

Issue 27

--- THE NEWBIE CLUB INSIDER Issue 27 April 12, 2001

Written by Tom Glander,
and Joe Robson,

Your subscribed address: "{emailaddress}"
You receive the INSIDER because you subscribed to it. Removal
instructions are in section 7 at the end of this email.


Cure your PC rage!. This series of 53 picture-driven tutorials
will end your frustration for ever. See why someone once said
that it should be included in every new PC sold.


<< MENU >>

==> 1. Tom's Thoughts: "I'm So Confused"
==> 2. Tutorial ... "These Files Won't Get You Out of Jail"
==> 3. Joe's Place ... "How Long is a Piece of String?"
==> 4. Joe's Geek-Speak Ad Discovery of the Week
==> 5. Tutorial ... "Enter the Address in the Right Place"
==> 6. Linda's Office ... "Jump Over the Lazy Dog"
==> 7. Administrivia ... Hey, this never changes. Why not?


-------- Unsolicited Testimonial

"You asked how is my frustration level. has gone WAY
down with the insights I am receiving from items such as Linda's
and the (Windows For Newbies) CDRom that I received from you. I
am starting to approach the point where I can help others,
instead of having to call them for help. Many thanks for all 
this guidance."

Bob (Full Name withheld for privacy reasons.)

1. --- Tom's Thoughts: I'm So Confused

Hello {firstname},

"It's all so complicated and confusing, sometimes I just feel
like giving up."

I hope that isn't your response to the Internet and your PC.
That said, I also know how incredibly frustrating this whole
thing can be. (PC: Personal Computer as opposed to IC, which
stands for Impersonal Computer, which may more accurately
reflect your feelings about this machine.)

What was created by nerds and geeks has been foisted upon the
world as the "way to work." Our kids are growing up with this
stuff, but we didn't. In fact, all the "bells and whistles"
that are supposed to make computers so great may only add to 
the confusion.

Who are "we" anyway? Let me introduce the team.

Joe Robson is the "lunkhead" who goes over everything to
ensure it's understandable. He's not really a lunkhead of course,
he writes all the promotional stuff that's made us millionaires
in just a few months (???). Tom Glander is the not-so-newbie who
writes the technical stuff and tutorials Joe checks over. Jann
Gentry is the lady who does stuff nobody else wants to do (bless
her) and Peter Hyde is our fluffy chinned wiz-kid programmer, who
is creating some really great stuff for The Newbie Club, to make
it an even better place for you to learn from and enjoy even more.

Does it really take four people to make The Newbie Club a great
place? No, it takes 10. But we make do with what we've got! :-)

So then, if you'll "hang in there" just a little longer, you'll
certainly be glad you did. What's brewing (and just about ready
to put in the bottles) is nothing short of truly incredible.
Stay tuned, as "it" is coming to a web site near you VERY soon.

Hey, we've only just begun. It's almost time to Rock 'n Roll!

Keep on keepin' on.

Take care,


P.S. Still "hands down" the best information you'll ever read
about Windows computers. Because it's written with pictures,
uses Newbie-speak, and SHOWS YOU HOW instead of telling you
what to do. See more:


Geek-Speak Buster: "ISP"

ISP: Internet Service Provider. It's the company that
allows you to get connected to the Internet. And by the
way, the Internet is made up of three parts: 1. Email;
2. Newsgroups (called Usenet); 3. The World Wide Wait. Um,
that is, "web." So when we refer to "The Internet" we're
talking about all three parts. Your ISP can connect you
to all three. But the Newsgroup part is accessed differently
using a news reader (there's one built into Micro$oft's
Outlook Express email and news reader gizmo).


-------- How To Build Your Very Own First Website.

The Newbie Club Website Builder is a 4 volume library written
by 3 successful Internet Marketers and a NEWBIE!. The result is
a stunning Newbie-Speak publication that details everything you
need to know to create, write, design, automate, backup, promote
and publish your own first Website. All in 2 days using FREE
programs and graphics! This blockbuster blows away the myths
once and for all. Click here for
FREE TRIAL and FREE 5 part emailed course.

2. These Files Won't Get You Out of Jail

"Help! I downloaded your Keyboard Magic ebook and can't find
it. What do I do now?"

You can locate any file on your computer using the built-in
feature called "Find Files and Folders." I covered this in
a previous issue, but it's back by popular demand. So here
goes again, along with more insight on files and how they
work with your computer.

1. Click Start, then point with your mouse cursor to Find,
Files and Folders, and click. Said another way, click the
Folders and Files item on the flyout window that appears
when you click on Find, and slide your mouse cursor over
to 'Files and Folders'. Or better yet, just take the keyboard
shortcut: Press F3 on the top row of keys. Be sure your
desktop is the focus of activity. (For more on the "focus"
concept, see this page:

2. Type the name of the file you are looking for into the
'Named' field and look in Drive (C:). When the file is
found, it will be displayed in the lower window pane. You
can simply (yes, it's VERY easy) double click to execute
the file (that is, put the file to death by click) or drag and
drop it to some new location.

Okay, you can't really execute a file in the living sense, but
you can start the file operating. That is, make it do something
besides sit there and take up space. And if the file can't
run itself, it'll be run by another program.

A good example of this is the lowly .txt file. It's just a
bunch of characters (like the guys and gals who run The Newbie
Club.) A ".txt" file is a text file. It needs a program to
display its contents. That program could be Notepad or even
Micro$oft Word. Text files are different from Document files
in that they usually contain nothing more than characters. No
special formatting stuff, no hidden codes, nothing. Just plain
text. Like this email!

CRITICAL NOTE: Every file on your computer has a three or four
letter "file extension." This extension tells the operating
system (that is what 'Windows" is--it's an Operating System)
what program needs to be used to open the file. Computers used
in operating rooms by surgeons don't use Operating Systems.
Instead, they use systems that don't confuse the doctor. Usually
these are in black and white, since the operating theatre can't
be confusing. If it were, your gallbladder may be removed rather
than repaired.

If you believe any of the operating stuff above, please see me
in my office immediately. I have a job for you.

Now then, back to files and such...

We have a fairly good tutorial on this should you be desirous of
understanding more. Click here: or
copy and paste the URL into your browser.

Do you understand what you read? Does it make sense? Let me put
it as simply as possible. The word "file" in computer talk can
be a program, a picture, a sound, a document, or anything else.
Files have icons associate with them. The icon is there to give
you a visual cue or clue as to what the file is for. If you're
blind, your computer "reads" the file names to you using the
special software you have installed. And that software is made
up of lots of individual files.


Discover how to create stunning letters, presentations, greeting
cards, promotional materials, memos, reports and more - just like
the professionals. 'MS Word MAGIC' is the latest Newbie-Speak
ebooklet from the Newbie Club. And it's guaranteed to delight
Newbies and Not-So Newbies alike - all for just $9.95!
Read about it here


3. Joe's Place "How Long is a Piece of String?"

Hi there {firstname},

You know, so many people write to us asking how they can make
money on the Internet. My answer?....

How long is a piece of string?

In other words there's an unlimited number of opportunities to
make a modest second income or even a full time income. But the
truth is that you can't see the opportunities until you actually
conquer your PC, learn to use the Net effectively, and start
looking around. In other words you have to work at it.

Someone once said "Good Luck only appears when you're looking for
it." Well, I'll tell you that since I went on the Net, I must
have been looking hard. Because I've come across more
opportunities on the Net in the past 18 months than I ever came
across in 30 odd years in business. And that's a fact!

I LOVE what technology is doing for us. But I HATE the nitty-
gritty details of it. So much technology exists for technology's
sake, and I hate having to grapple with it. Why? Because I get
extremely frustrated wasting my precious life, trying to get to
grips with something that's supposed to help me spend LESS time!

And yet I'm now involved in so many 'technical' projects, that
many people I come in contact with are surprised when I confess
my ignorance of techie stuff. At the first mention of Byte or
DOS my eyes just glaze over. But tell me what a program can do
to improve my life, or help with my business, and I'll take 
notice. As long as it's in everyday language I can relate to.

Last week I had 4 separate business meetings in London. Three of
them were with down to earth technical people who I related to
because they spoke my language. The other was on a highly
technical Net related subject, attended by a bunch of highly
technical people.

Yet I believe I was the only one who saw the enormous marketing
possibilities for the innovative software they were discussing. I
wasn't remotely interested in how technically advanced it was,
but I did see how it could help untold numbers of internet users.

So you see {firstname}, opportunities abound if you're prepared
to learn the basics of technology, and use these basics to get
around the Internet. And it's only the basics that you need to
know. Just enough to make you comfortable about using your PC
and carrying out repetitive actions. As I've said on more than 
one occasion ...

"You don't need to learn Japanese to drive a Toyota!"...

You only need to know enough to drive it from A to B safely. Once
you can do that you'll be comfortable enough to look around you
and enjoy the scenery. If you're concentrating too much on the
actual 'driving' then you'll never spot the guy giving away $100
bills, unless he jumps out in front of you. And even then you'll
be concentrating so much on how to brake, you won't even
recognize the opportunity.

So please take my word for it when I say that you CAN make a
living on the Web. And NO it won't happen overnight. But the
opportunities for finding a 'niche' that you can slip into are
much more highly concentrated on the Net, than in the bricks
and mortar world. And the set up costs are negligible.

I've had emails from enthusiastic Newbies who have joined our
Affiliate program, then ask me *how* they work. USE THE INTERNET
TO FIND OUT! Everyone I know who is making a success on the Net
has taken the time, and applied endless hours, to surf around
and pick the brains of those who are already successful.

I personally spent 6 months learning, printing reports, reading,
and asking myself WHY is this guy succeeding? WHAT is he doing to
make money? I had to learn how to use my PC and it was not a
happy experience. But I realized that I HAD to know the basics,
so I learned them. If only something like The Newbie Club existed

So take your time, learn the basics, and read as much as you can
from as many people as you can. If you have to spend a little
money then do it. Too many people seem to think they can get
everything for nothing on the Internet. Yet they'd never dream
of approaching a Main Street store and asking for free books!

Just be selective about what you buy, and who you buy it from.
Check out as much as you can about a company before you give them
your money. But do NOT be tempted by the get-rich-in-a-few-days
schemes. The Internet is a fantastic innovation, but one thing
it cannot do is make you rich overnight. If it could, then I for
one wouldn't be writing this to you. I'd be on my own private
Pacific island. Maybe not, because with all the multi-
millionaires around it would probably be grossly overcrowded!

So, put in the wood BEFORE you expect the stove to give you heat.
And I'll guarantee that sooner or later you will see an
opportunity you can relate to. You don't need to be a wiz-kid
to take advantage of the fantastic opportunities you'll find.

I'm living proof of that!

Keep smilin' {firstname},

'Lunkhead' Joe.

PS. If you want to be a wiz-kid, that's fine. Just don't get so
involved in technology that it begins to run your life. Use it
to help make your - and other - lives more enjoyable. And keep 
out of my back yard!


------ Finally. A Totally Newbie-Friendly Unzipper!

Some Zip programs are frustratingly confusing to use. But it's
essential to have one if you're downloading stuff from the Net.
'Unzip Wizard' is so simple it's impossible to go wrong. That's
because it's specifically designed with Newbies in mind. And
The Newbie Club has arranged a special discount for you at this
page. So now you can save AND unzip without embarrassment! This is a stunner!

4. Joe's Geek-Speak Ad Discovery of the Week

-------- TimbreWolf ...

"... is a combined sound synthesizer and sequencer for Windows
95. With many of the features of a classic twin oscillator
analogue mono-synth, TimbreWolf allows you to generate rich
bass lines or crystal clear lead swirls. TimbreWolf allows 
real-time control - you hear the changes as they are made. 
Requires P150+ and sixteen bit soundcard."

Oh noooo! Looks like my twin oscillator analogue mono-synth
needs updating yet again!


---------------- "MAGIC!" ----------------

Many people believe their magic mouse is the be-and-end-all of
modern technology. Click this, click that, right click, left
click, double click, somersault and middle click - magic! And
who can blame them? After all they've never been shown a better
way! But the savvy one's learn all about those mysterious
keyboard keys, and their lives - and creativity - are
transformed. Read about The Newbie Club's latest best seller
'Keyboard MAGIC! and transform your computer habits - it's so
easy! Prepare for lift-off at

5. Enter the Address in the Right Place

Don't confuse what you see on a web page search engine with
your browser's address bar.

What's an "address bar" and why am I talking about it? Well,
I spent some frustrating time on the phone with a very nice
gentleman who stated emphatically "there is no address bar
on my browser." He insisted the search engine page (the place
on Google, Yahoo, AltaVista, etc. where you enter a search
term or phrase) was the "address bar." I wasn't going to

The address bar or address field or "place where you type in
the URL (see the last issue for info on URLs if you need a
refresher: is just a text
field. You actually type in the "double you double you
double you dot" bits and click "Go" or whatever it's called
on your browser version. This brings up the domain name you
typed in. You can even browse your computer's hard drive using
this method.

Try it. Type the following without quotes: "C:\" and press
the Enter key on your keyboard. You'll see the contents of your
(C:\) drive displayed. Different browsers handle this in their
own unique way. Internet Explorer is tightly integrated with
Windows Explorer, so it'll let you double click on a folder
you see and it'll open up. This should also work with Netscape.

Why do this? Sometimes it's a lot faster to get to information
if your browser is open, and you want to navigate to a folder,
like when looking for a downloaded item. Unless of course you
download to your desktop. See the download tutorial for more:


Microsoft Word - it's for typing letters isn't it? Hardly.
Flyers, posters, reports, greeting cards, letters, html email,
and even Web pages are much easier to produce, if you fully
understand how to exploit WORD to its maximum. And many
of its tools and features are used many other programs, so your
learning curve with new software can be dramatically reduced.

So trust The Newbie Club to come up with a stunning range of
Newbie-Speak eBooklets, bursting with screen captures,
exercises and pictures that make the World's favorite program
crystal clear - and FUN! Read about it here: and prepare to be amazed
at the low price of just $9.95!

6. Linda's Office Corner: "Jump Over the Lazy Dog"

Need randomly assigned numbers or data inside Excel or Word?

Sometimes you just want some random data inside your document
or spreadsheet so you can experiment with formatting. There is
a formula which does this in both Word and Excel. Let's try it
in Word first. Open a blank document and type =RAND() and
you will see Word inserts the text "The quick brown fox jumped
over the lazy dog" over and over again. This is handy when you
want to try to learn how to use a feature of Word and don't want
to mess up your existing document. I recommend to my students
all the time, to always experiment with something you don't
care about before you actually try new things in your existing

The same formula works in Excel. Open a blank spreadsheet and
type =RAND() in the first cell in the upper left-hand corner
(cell A1) and you will see Excel enters a random number. Now,
if you click on cell A1 and place your mouse pointer over the
little black box at the lower right corner of the cell (this is
called the "fill handle"), you will see your mouse pointer turns
into a black cross (+). Hold your left mouse button down and
drag this + to select a bunch of adjacent cells and when you
release your mouse button, you will see random numbers in all
of these cells. You see that the numbers are all decimals
between 0 and 1. If you want numbers greater than one, try
changing the formula to =RAND()*10 or =RAND()*100 and this
will multiply the number by 10 or 100. Then, just grab that
fill handle and drag again.

Pretty quick way to get some data to play with, eh?

Hang in there!


Linda Johnson is an MS Office personal tutor, and also has a
terrific Website which she's been making even more readable
than ever. Check it out at


So you're not such a Newbie after all? Curious about the
database that makes Windows act the way it does? Then this
ebook will give you a quick, easy understanding of what's
going on inside. It's called 'The Registry For Newbies' and
you can read all about it here
See Techie-Speak translated into Newbie-Speak by an expert!


FREE Newbie Club Courses - by email. Just send a blank email
for the course you need. It's delivered every few days to your
desktop - automatically! (AOL users must remove the "mailto:"
part of the address, and type the address into your email
client's send to line. Life with AOL is tough!)

Backing up your stuff:

Organize your files:

10 PC tips:

Finding files:

Take the load off your PC:

See how easy it is to get info to people? Get your own FREE
autoresponders at


Got your FREE exclusive Newbie Club eBooks yet?

"Guide To The Internet - An Overview" features the combined
advice of 18 of the Internet's most successful marketers.

"Scientific Advertising On The Internet" contains the world
famous Claude C. Hopkins' Classic, (currently being sold at
Amazon for $11.96) plus observations and Copywriting Tutorials
by Newbie Club co-founder Joe Robson, who is also co-author of
the blockbuster "Make Your Words Sell" with Ken Evoy. Details at

Get both Newbie Club books FREE from The Newbie Club Academy at


Want to start an Internet Business, but don't have a product to
sell? Become a Newbie Club Affiliate. It's widely regarded as
one of the most professionally run programs on the Net. You'll
get LOTS of support and help, have access to the private
Affiliate Clubroom - and it's FREE!
Details here ...


How can we help you more? Is there something specific you need
help with? Something you don't understand? My advice to you is
simple: READ. And keep reading. You learned your ABCs in grade
school. You built them into words. And today, just look how
far you've come. Keep reading. And keep learning. It's what
makes life worth living!

I'll chat with you again soon.

All the best,


6. Administrivia

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To subscribe or unsubscribe, or to change your name if you're
not pleased with its appearance, please visit the subscription
management page...

Back issues of the INSIDER are found here...

... and permission granted to forward this email to someone you
know. Just don't spam anyone with it!

The TNC INSIDER is a production of The Newbie Club(TM) and is
owned by Roglan International LLC, whose partners are
Tom Glander and
Joe Robson

(C) 2001 The Newbie Club(TM) All Rights Reserved

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