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Newsletter Archive

Issue 2

----- The Newbie Club INSIDER Issue 2 September 14, 2000

You received this Newsletter because you ...

a) Subscribed at The Newbie Club Website
b) Were a previous subscriber to The Newbie News
c) Are an Affiliate of The Newbie Club(TM)
d) This may have been forwarded to you by a friend. (If you want to subscribe, please see the end of this letter.)

Subscribe and unsubscribe information is at the end.
This is a personalized publication. If it does not address
you by name, please see information at the end to make 
changes.

Written by Tom Glander, mailto:tg@newbieclub.com
=========================================

<< MENU >>

1. Tom's Thoughts
2. NEW! Video Tutorials Hit The Newbie Club
3. Tutorial: "Go Easy on the File Attachments"
4. Tutorial: "Don't Lose Your Download"
5. A Word From Joe and Otto
6. We Need Your Feedback


_______________________________________

1. Tom's Thoughts
_______________________________________

Hi {firstname}! 

This week I'm going to address real life problems. With
the amount of mail that comes in, there's always something to chose from! :-)

I spent a whole day with my techie-tools installing an
amazing feature you can really benefit from. The Newbie 
Club is now equipped with the ability to search the site
for any word related to your computer. 

This feature is found on most every page right below the 
main buttons. Look for the "Search it!" graphic, and type
the word "downloading" (for example) into the form.
http://newbieclub.com 

I get some great testimonials from readers and users of
the Windows for Newbies ebook. Here's a snip from one of
them...

<snip>

"... written in language even I can understand and the
visual illustrations are wonderful. I would recommend 
them to anyone who is a computer neophyte like myself and struggling as I was with this 'new world' of technology. 
WHAT A GREAT INVESTMENT !"

<snip>

I believe you learn even more when you're having fun, and
have pictures to look at. Windows for Newbies(TM) is a
"pictorial tutorial." Click and read for yourself...

http://newbieclub.com/wfncopy

Digital ice cream cones are being served to the next
100 people who purchase the program.

Finally, there are four great new video tutorials on using 
one of the most commonly used file decompression programs available - WinZip. It handles those files with the ".ZIP" extension. You'll find these on the tutorials page...

http://newbieclub.com/tutorials

Cool beans. 

Enjoy!


_______________________________________

2. VIDEO Tutorials Hit The Newbie Club
_______________________________________

I'm making things as easy as possible for you. Sure wish
I'd had these when I was slogging across the Net trying
to learn more.

They aren't like the videos you watch you TV, but they're
close. They load in your browser window, and you just watch and learn. Best of all, they move. 

Maybe I should have called them "movies."

ZIP files are the most common compressed file you'll 
encounter on your web travels - at least in the downloadable category. These video tutorials cover the zip stuff. 

So try 'em out, they do a great of making things clear! 

http://newbieclub.com/tutorials

They're toward the end of the page. Enjoy!



_______________________________________

3. Tutorial - Go Easy on the File Attachments
_______________________________________

Hook your hard drive to your next email message, and send
it to me. I'll diagnose it for you and send it back. Sound
weird? Yup. But not TOO weird!

You can attach most anything to your outgoing mail, and
will travel the routers and switches of the Net until it
lands in the destination POP3. (POP3 - Post Office Protocol
version 3 - your incoming email collector.)

Graphics. Excel spreadsheets. Documents. E-books. Even
entire programs! But hold on there, pardner, slow that
horse down. You're gonna cause a major belch on the Net
if you don't watch the SIZE of that thing. 

Though you can indeed send anything you want, if you send stuff as large as 1 megabyte, it's hurry up and wait time. For you and the reciever! Plus, you might just put some poor soul's mailbox over the limit, and the next little
plain text email that comes in will bounce right back to
its sender.

I never send anything bigger than 500 thousand bytes to 
anyone. Unless I've been eating RAM chips for breakfast and feel like a machine. Then watch out!



_________________________________________________

4. Tutorial-- Don't Lose Your Download
_________________________________________________

What do you do when you can't find the file you just
finished downloading? Or some other program that seems to be misplaced? 

Use the Find Files feature built into your computer. 

Click the Start button. See the "Find" item? Point
to it with your mouse cursor and click "Find Files or 
Folders." We're going to find some stuff right now!

Once the "Find" dialog box is open, type "start" into
the "Named" field. Look in Drive (C:). click Find Now. And 
watch it show you a bunch of stuff from your hard drive.

Apply this technique anytime you can't find anything. And
I do mean ANYTHING. You can use wildcards - that would be an asterisk followed by a dot and three letters making up a file extension. Like, *.exe would find all the files
that are executable, *.gif would find all the graphics
files in GIF format, *.jpg would find all your photos you've
been taking with that new digital camera. 

Play with this. It's powerful, and it'll save you a lot
of distress, and maybe even having do one of these 
numbers...

"Dear Tom,

I downloaded your free e-book, and can't find it on my
computer. Can you help me?" 

Now you know what to do. Never lose a download again. 

And speaking of e-books, next week we're releasing the 
first in our new series from The Newbie Club Easy Learning 
Library. Practice your downloading, 'cause you'll want this
e-book. 


_______________________________________

5. A Word from Joe (What do mean, who's Joe? Joe Robson - Tom's technologically challenged partner, that's who.)
_______________________________________

Hi {firstname}. You know, I LOVE the Internet and I LOVE 
computers. But I HATE the people who *assume* I know how they work.

I don't. 

And I have no interest in ever finding out. Just tell me 
in plain English which buttons to click and I'm a happy 
man. Hence The Newbie Club!

So if you sometimes think you're the only one having 
trouble understanding these Geeks, here's what happened
to me recently. The trouble is it seems to happen to me 
every day. So hang on in there, there's hope for you yet!

----------- "OTTO RESPONDER LOSES A FRIEND"

A few weeks ago, I decided to change my Web Hosting company.

Big mistake. Will I *ever* learn?

My new Host came highly recommended. Their Website Copy was so easy to understand, that even a lunkhead like me could follow it.

Signing up was simplicity itself, and they quickly informed
me that they would make the necessary request to have my Domain name transferred.

Great.

Enter InterNic!

Remember them? The soul-less monster that refuses to make it easy to do business with them?

Into my mailbox dropped a gibberishly written document.

No problem. It only took me 10 minutes to translate it and I finally worked out that I had to approve the request to move my Domain to a new Host.

Simplicity itself. The translation read .....

*If you agree with the request, as it has been submitted
please enter Y or YES or if you disagree, please enter N or
NO (to the right of".........:" ) in item 0a*

Trouble was, there were TWO 0a's and I was told to only
enter once.

So I guessed.

Mistake number 2!

Whoosh! Into my mailbox lands the identical form, written in
the same gibberish. No explanation of course!

It was from Otto Responder. I wrote about him a while ago. http://www.adcopywriting.com/article1.htm

So this time I entered Y in the other box.

Whoosh. Back came Otto again. Still no explanation.

But this time he asked me to *enter A(or ACK) or N (or NAC) to the right of item Oa*

So I guessed again.

Whoosh. This time enter Smart Otto with the same request

And so on... And so on... And so on!

By this time I was rather upset. Actually, I was sobbing!

Knowing that you should never send an email in a distraught state, I paced the floor for a few minutes and sat down again.

With trembling fingers I cleared away the clumps of hair
from my keyboard, and typed out an email....

Subject: 'Human Help Please.'

Whoosh. You've got it. There was Otto, sat in my in-tray
with a sarcastic smirk on his face.

*This is an automatic reply from Network Solutions to
acknowledge that your message has been received.
Blah, blah, and more 'Techie' blah!*

2 days later I telephoned InterNic.

Over 3000 odd miles of sub-Atlantic fiber optic cables, my
cry for human help sped at the speed of light.

For 3 minutes I negotiated the voice mail box before being
connected to the correct department.

Then the 'phone went dead!

"Rather unfortunate" I thought. Or words to that effect.

Tried again.

Another 3000 miles of instantaneous data transfer. Isn't
modern technology wonderful? Another 3 minute War
Game. Then a female robot informed me that the
queuing time was 84 minutes. 84 minutes??? Click.

24 hours later I nervously made another attempt.

Hands shaking, upper lip twitching, voice trembling and
hollow eyes misted over, I fumbled with the phone key pad.

I survived 3 minutes of psycological warfare before being
informed there was a 6 minute queue. Only 6 minutes! I was elated.

Then a female robot greeted me. "Oh no, please. Not again" I sobbed. Then the robot greeted me again! "Funny I thought, a robot that talks back".

She was actually a human being. But as it turned out, she
had less personality than Otto.

I told her my story.

No feedback, no empathy, no "I'm really sorry to hear that
Mr. Robson, come and cry on my shoulder, because this has
never happened to anyone else!".

"Your tracking number?"

Stupidly, I tried to break the ice with a smart quip ...

"I have 11 to choose from. Which one would you like?"

Silence.

"Your tracking number?"

Silence.

So I guessed.

Mistake number 4 was greeted with 20 seconds of silence.

"This request cannot be processed"

"Why not?"

"The incorrect Request Form has been submitted"

"Now what"

"Submit the correct Request Form, and it will be processed".

That was the moment when I finally decided to stand up for the rights of every Internic customer. (Did I say customer?)

You've got it. I groveled!

"Will you please check this *first* tracking number"? and I
blurted out Otto's first number.

Silence.

"Your request will be processed sometime today".

No explanation, no apology. Just silence.

I was stunned and elated.

"Do I have your word that everything will be completed
today?"

"Your request will be processed sometime today".

I was so delighted, I actually *thanked* her!

Sure enough, that evening my new Host did me proud, and
everything was up and running. I had terrific stats,
unlimited autoresponders, secure server...all the bells 'n
whistles.

The only thing left to do was make a couple of entries to
have my email redirected .......

Mistake number 5!

But you don't really want to hear about that do you?

You know, life would be so much easier if only everyone else was as perfect as me!

P.S. 8 days later, Otto contacted me again to say that my
request for human help was being attended to. Trouble is he forgot to tell the 'humans' because they still haven't
responded. They're probably too busy drumming up testimonials for their terrific customer service department.



_______________________________________

6. We Need Your Feedback
_______________________________________


Get help or give answers. Use the Forum. It's our message 
board, and your questions and comments have been great. 

Click this link and try getting your feet wet...

http://newbieclub.com/discuss/

Hey, do you know a bit about PCs and their operation? Why not help everyone out and answer some questions. You can do it at the Forum. 

Big thanks to our new moderator, Elizabeth. She's been more than helpful, and I wouldn't trade her help for whole case of RAM chips. 

_______________________________________



Well, there's the second issue. And of course I want you to write back, 'cause I want to know what you think. So just send a one liner if you want. And remember, this techie stuff is fun, as long as we make it fun. 

Warm regards,

Tom



_______________________________________

Administration
_______________________________________

{firstname}, you subscribed with this email address:

"{emailaddress}"

To change your subscription details, to subscribe, or
unsubscribe, please visit the subscription management page at The Newbie Club:

http://newbieclub.com/subscription_management.htm

NOTE: If you see "firstname" instead of your name, it's
because you were a subscriber to the Newbie News and have not yet given us your first name. So what are you waiting for? Use the link above to add it, or send me the details by email. Thanks! mailto:tg@newbieclub.com

I'll include the above for a couple more issues, then it's
toast. Burnt toast!


===========================================
The TNC Insider is a production of The Newbie Club (TM)
and is owned by Roglan International, who's partners are
Tom Glander and Joe Robson.
===========================================

(C) 2000 The Newbie Club

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