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Newsletter Archive

Issue 66

--- THE NEWBIE CLUB INSIDER Issue 66 Feb 15, 2002

Written by Tom Glander and Joe Robson.

You receive the INSIDER as a benefit of membership in
The Newbie Club. Your membership details are at the end
of this newsletter. 
Please **DO NOT REPLY** to this email. Write to us at instead. A click on the Reply button
sends to the address "nobody". And nobody will read your note!

Are You Totally Confused by the complexities of Email? Don't
know about email accounts, clients, web based, headers, virus
killers, Subject lines, Pop 3's, aliases and all the other
Gobbledygook? The picture-driven 'Email for Newbies' from the
Newbie Club, will solve your frustrations immediately. Go NOW


<< MENU >>

==> 1. Tom's Thoughts ... "Random and Healthy"
==> 2. Tutorial ... "Dejunking Your System Tray"
==> 3. Joe's Place ... "Sincere Apologies to iCop"
==> 4. Tutorial ... "Free Stunning Photos"
==> 5. Administration ... "Stuff about your account"



==> 1. Tom's Thoughts: "Random and Healthy"


Hello %name%,

Response to our latest e-book, "Email for Newbies--The
Gobbledygook Explained", has been excellent. If you haven't
picked up a copy yet, or read about it, hustle on over to: This newsletter will be here
when you get back.

I urge everyone who doesn't already know all the answers, or
who doesn't spend their time reading PC Magazine or other
technical books and journals, to pick up a copy of this ebook.

You don't even have to leave your house. How convenient. 

Buying Email for Newbies is a WORTHY investment. You see, Joe
and I are on a mission. We'd like *everyone* who uses email to
"do it right". This ebook will show you how!


Are you protecting your investment? Your computer *IS* an 
investment. Learning to use it is one thing, protecting your
data against thieves is another. If you're on a cable internet
connection, you should have a firewall and USE it. The best
one I've seen and used is Zone Alarm. There's a free version
of this product. Just look here:


If you've been reading 'Tom's Thoughts' for any length of time,
you know I'm now in California. What a tremendous climate! I 
have to keep pinching myself to ensure this isn't a dream.

Traffic isn't too bad. People are friendly. And the time 
difference between me and Joe is now 8 hours! (He's over there
in the UK, you know.)

You also know I'm a registered nurse. And you know that Mom
has abdominal cancer, is undergoing treatments, and is doing
very well. Massive thanks to you for the prayers. 

What you don't know is that I've been asked to join one of the
fastest growing surgical centers in California, to work in
Recovery. Hmmm... should I or shouldn't I? Of course I'll do it.
However, the Newbie Club will continue full force. This
newsletter will not stop. 


Maybe the end of the world is near. I found a refill for my
Braun electric whisker eater. 


Wishing you the best,


P.S. Since you do nothing all week but wait anxiously for this
newsletter to arrive, here's something to do while tapping your
fingers on the mouse: Visit the Forum. You'll find an amazing
community there... and probably some answers and insight into
stuff that bugs you:


Geek-Speak Buster: "Driver"

A boy who pedals a bicycle that carries people around the
streets of Los Angeles is a driver. And so is the guy who
pilots the taxi through the Los Angeles Vehicular Madness. 
But in our case, a driver is a piece of software that makes
your printer, your CD player, your monitor, or your scanner 
work. A software driver. An interpreter that sits between
the brains of your computer (called the CPU) and the
hardware device that needs powering. Driver for short. 

Do you need a new driver for your sound card?



The Newbie Club Website Builder was written in Newbie-Speak by 4
people, to create a stunning 4 volume collection that blows away
the myths forever. Now you can create, write, design, automate,
upload and promote your very own individual Website! All with
FREE programs, pictures and graphics. See for
yourself and prepare yourself for a revelation. WOW what a
blockbuster! Visit for your FREE


==> 2. Tutorial: "De-junking your System Tray"


So you have 25 icons in your system tray. So what? So they're
eating your computer's memory like rats chewing through 
Internet cables. 

System Tray: That area "down there" in the lower right corner
of your screen where the clock sits.

Each icon represents a program that's running silently in the
background. A "TSR"... Terminate and Stay Resident. A "TSR"
is a program that starts up when you turn on your computer,
then terminates (you don't see it) but stays resident in 

And it uses up resources! (A resource is a special place in
memory that is easily wasted.)

Check your resources now. Right click on My Computer, choose
"Properties", then click the "Performance" tab. 

What is the percentage of free resources? 45? 65? 80? If 
your computer is like most folks, you'll have maybe 45 percent

Which of course means over half of your system's brains are
being clogged. And that's why your system may freeze up, lock
up, fall apart, or collapse. No amount of CPR or Advanced
Computer Life Support will cure it. 

The only way to "fix" your computer's resource problem is to
reboot... that is, restart. 

How can you stop all the "TSR"s from loading when you power up?
If you have Windows 98 or later, you can use MSCONFIG. Instead
of writing a lengthy bit on how to use it, please send a blank
email to:

You'll get my report on how to use the Utility, as well as a 
link to a site that tells you what you can disable. By "Utility"
I don't mean Pacific Gas and Electric. I mean MSCONFIG. It's 
called a utility. It's a little program that does big things
for you.


------ Don't be Shy - Unzip with Confidence!

Some Zip programs are frustratingly confusing to use. But it's
essential to have one if you're downloading stuff from the Net.
'Unzip Wizard' is so simple it's impossible to go wrong. That's
because it's specifically designed with Newbies in mind. And
The Newbie Club has arranged a special discount for you at this
page. So now you can save AND unzip without embarrassment!

This is a stunner!


3. Joe's Place ... "Sincere Apologies to iCOP"


Hi %name%, glad you dropped in.

I've been in the dog house this week. And it ain't comfortable!

It seems I made a boo-boo in last week's article about the
iCop Rapsheet - the most outspoken publication I know for
naming the names of scamsters, crooked Internet marketers,
and dishonest Website owners. I said I wondered how iCop
never got sued for libel.

If this statement gave you the impression I thought iCop
didn't tell the truth, then I apologize. I was really attempting
to underline what a hard hitting, no-punches-pulled publication
it is. Some of the revelations in there are so shocking, that
most editors would flinch away from delivering such in-your-
face reports. That's why I recommended subscribing to it -
and still do.

Just one report could save you a lot of anguish and hard
earned cash, by avoiding the dubious practices, and outright
scams on the Net.

My apologies to the Director of iCop, JL Scott. Honestly JL, I
didn't really mean it :-)

OK, that's the groveling over with ...

Back to the real world of Lunkhead Joe. This only happened
this very morning ...

A good techie friend of mine mailed me a floppy disc containing
a new Hardware Diagnostic software tool. "Just insert it into
your 'A' drive and boot up your PC. It will run itself and check
all your hardware for errors" he assured me. So I decided to
try it before I booted up for the first time.

"Easy Peasy" I thought. "Only take a few minutes". Yeah right!

I sat there mesmerized by lots of colored bands flashing on to
my screen. Then thousands of zzzzzz's and xxxxxx's flew back
and forth, followed by scrolling cursors and bar charts. I had
no idea what it was doing, but it sure looked high tech and
super, super intelligent. But ...

After half an hour I grew bored. An hour passed and I became
frustrated because I couldn't use my darned PC. 90 minutes of
finger-drumming dragged by and I was *not* a happy bunny,
because I hadn't even checked my overnight emails yet!

So I decided to ring my friend(?) and ask him how to stop
this danged thing. After all, I like to check my emails the same
day. :-)

More problems .. what else?

His phone number was in my Outlook Address Book, and - yep
- I couldn't use my PC! Then a light bulb lit up in my befuddled
brain. I had his phone number programmed into my favorite
piece of technology - my dreaded Cell phone!

After 10 minutes of scrolling back and forth, all I could find
was his Cell phone number - so I rang it. He was sat, nice and
warm and relaxed, on a train somewhere. I spoiled his day by
blurting out my problem...

"How big is your Hard Drive," he asked.

"Now please don't get personal," I retorted.

"No, I said your hard *drive*."

"40 Gigabyte," said I (sorry about the techie-talk %name%).

"Yeah," he said, "It will take 'a little while' to scan one that

"So how do I stop the bl***y* thing?" I yelled.

"Just remove the floppy disc and switch off your computer," he
replied - ever so calmly!

I just love technology - don't you %name%?

WARNING! Even *I* know that when you're running a Floppy
disc or CD with Windows running, you should never remove it
and switch off your PC. This will cause you all sorts of grief.
But in my case, Windows wasn't running. It's only techies like
me and my friend who know when this can be done. :-)

Just one more thing before I go ...

Tom and I are tremendously pleased with the amazing
response and feedback we've had, about our brand new
publication 'Email for Newbies - The Gobbledygook Explained'. It
looks like it's going to be even more in demand than our best-
seller 'Keyboard Magic' - and that's saying something! If you
haven't read about it yet, I would urge you to do so NOW at ...

At least you can use your PC at the same time.

OK, that's it for this week %name%. Just a laff and a
sounding-off is all I've done today. But if nothing else, at
least you know you're not the *only* one having trouble with

All the very best and ...

Keep smilin'


PS DO NOT remove a disc and switch off your PC while running
Windows, or you'll be sorreeeee! And if you don't know why -
or what the dire consequences would be - then you most
definitely need a copy of 'Windows for Newbies' by Tom
Glander. It's the definitive 'Newbie-Speak' publication, and it
uses the famous Newbie Club Learning System. Read about
it here ...


"Joe's Pause For Thought" ...


Entry on a motor vehicle accident report ...

"In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole."
(Seems like a funny place to put a telephone!)


----------- "Take a Look at Your Keyboard Right NOW!"

Just look at all those keys! Go on, take a look. I'll guarantee
you've often wondered WHY there are so many - F1, Insert, Tab,
Ctrl, Pr Scr, End, Home, Alt, Pause, PgUp, Shift, Sys Rq, and
the rest. Why? And what about all those keys with the funny
looking characters like ~ # > \ ^ ? Sheesh, surely someone put
them there for a reason! And yet you NEVER use them. 'Keyboard
MAGIC!' by The Newbie Club, outsold all their other products in
the first 5 days of release. Find out why, and brace yourself
for an eye-opener at


4. Tutorial: "Get Free Stunning Photos... for Free"


Webshots is probably the best place on the Internet to get 
excellent photos for your desktop. Wallpaper, that is. A world
of photos for your computer.

Neatest thing is that the pictures change every day. And you get
daily photos you can download. 

They become your screen saver, too. Some of the pictures are
breathtaking in their beauty. Strikingly real. Add sound 
effects, and you'd have to stop from reaching out to touch the
purring cat.

Have a look at for more info. The 
installation instructions are on the site. They do a good job
of explaining things to you there.

To examine your own Desktop wallpaper settings, do this:

1. Right click a blank portion of your screen.
2. Select "Properties" from the menu.
3. On the Desktop Properties window, click the Background tab.

You can see what wallpaper choices are already installed. 
They're pretty bland "out of the box" so if you want to jazz
up your life a tad, go to Webshots. 


Geek Speak Buster: "USB"

Stands for "Universal Serial Bus". It's the bus that keeps
going round the fountain at Times Square. (Never been there,
and don't know if busses are allowed around the fountain, but
it sounded good. Not even sure there's a fountain there, either.)

In computers, this is a method used to transfer data between
your computer's brains and the item in question... like a printer,
scanner, or digital camera. Data is transferred to and fro, and
electrons hurry hither and yon. All through the USB port. It's
faster than a serial port, which is slow way to move data. And
you can plug and unplug stuff into a USB port with the greatest
of ease. Comes standard on all new computers. I hook up my
printer through a USB port.


So you're not such a Newbie after all? Like to know what makes
Windows act the way it does? Then this ebook will give you a
quick, easy understanding of your PC's Brain. It's called 'The
Registry For Newbies' and you can read all about it here...

See Techie-Speak translated into Newbie-Speak by an expert!


Got your FREE exclusive Newbie Club eBooks yet?


"Guide To The Internet - An Overview" features the combined
advice of 18 of the Internet's most successful marketers.

"Scientific Advertising On The Internet" contains the world
famous Claude C. Hopkins' Classic, plus observations and
Copywriting Tutorials by Newbie Club co-founder Joe Robson,
who is also co-author of the blockbuster "Make Your Words Sell"
with Ken Evoy. Details at

Get both Newbie Club books FREE from The Newbie Club Academy at

And don't forget, you can get your own Fully Customizable
Guestbook for your site absolutely FREE. This Newbie Club
creation is so packed with too many features to list here. And
it's an absolute dream to install - no experience needed!


Email courses and articles are available. Just send a blank
email (no message needed, just the address is all) to any of the

Course: Backing up your files:

Course: Getting organized:

Course: Finding files anywhere on your PC:

Course: Configuring your startup programs:


5. Administration


Subscription details:

To make changes to your membership details, such as updating
your name or email address, or unsubscribing (huh?), visit your
membership management headquarters...

Click==> and check on
your details now! You should see your info listed as ...

Name: %name%
Address: %email%

You can cancel your membership, change your name, update your
email address and more.

Back issues of the INSIDER are found here...

The TNC INSIDER is a publication of The Newbie Club and is
owned by Roglan International LLC, whose partners are
Tom Glander (US) and Joe Robson (UK).

(C) 2002 The Newbie Club(TM) All Rights Reserved

Computer problems are solved daily at the Newbie Club Clinic.
If you haven't checked in for a visit, you owe it to you and
your computer's health. It's excellent insurance! <==Visit Now!

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